Friday, October 01, 2010
You should see it outside right now. No, you should feel it. The sun came out late afternoon yesterday after three (or was it four) days of rain. Much needed rain. Then today, the most merciful cool breeze rose with the sun and became a symphony of perfection.
I woke up in a poor mood. Mostly because I have a horrid head cold and wanted to stay in bed more than anything and we have our teacher dinner tonight and they are coming which means I must take the cooking and cleaning up a notch. But, I got up and did the stuff. The breakfast, the lunches, the hair, the shoelaces, signed the papers, checked the homework, and sent them off with the Dad--perhaps, a little TOO relieved at their exit. Perhaps.
Then, I crawled back in bed. But the room was so bright. And the congestion in my cavities rendered my usual trick of turning my head into a pillow sandwich impossible. So, I surrendered, comforted by the promise of a steamy shower.
Then, finding that the Dad, the wonderful, thoughtful Dad had whisked the two school-less children away somewhere, I took the stack of paid bills down around the driveway to the mailbox. Acorns crunched under my new city flats. Fresh dirt wafted in the breeze from being stirred up by recent weeding. The Fall vegetable garden was thriving. It was so calm. It was so beautiful and forgiving. Just what I needed.
Then, I began to scold my mother self, as I am prone to do. Thinking of these four whom I bore. And how they wake up in a poor mood often, understandably. They wake up with instant needs: cuddles, drinks of water, sprints to and from the toilet in our room, hunger--great hunger, and protection from the other three.
It is the age-old battle of mine. My desire. My call. My sacrifice on the altar. To be that calm, cool breeze, that merciful morning, that everyone needs. When will I learn?