Friday, April 09, 2010

the world inside


if i could snap a photograph
just one
of the scene
inside
this would develop
on the paper
of your mind
my lucy
if i could choose the
color
just one
of the world
 inside
"golden glow"
would coat the canvas
of your mind
my lucy
if i could steal a moment
just one
of the reel
inside
slow motion
would flood the screen
of your mind
my lucy.


5 comments:

Ann said...

Beautiful.

madsta said...

i'm so envious of where you are right now, i am craving the sea and a long hot summer! too bad i live in england, cus it aint gnna happen!

Rebekah V. said...

I enjoyed so much the relationships of the verbs to the nouns in this poem. I enjoyed them so much that I actually diagramed them out and was delighted to see how the two descriptive phrases broke up a very rolling and enjoyable pattern of verb/noun verb/noun verb/noun. I think those adjectives "golden glow" and "slow motion" are so effective because they come at you like whitecaps on the peaks of waves. The waves are the verb/noun couplings snap/photograph-scene, develop/paper, chose/color, coat/canvas, steal/moment, flood/screen. When I watch the tide I am expecting to see white caps. I know they are coming but they are random and occasional and exciting because of it. So are the distinct descriptions of this inner space you are describing. It is very ocean like. Soothing and, at the same time, evocative of depth. It almost makes me feel like I get to be by the ocean too for a bit.

I love the idea of trying to capture this inner experience with some kind of medium. On paper or canvas or film. I also love the feeling of trying to transmit something between a mother and a child in this way.

You can chalk this one up as another technical and emotional mastery of language. I really enjoy reading your work.

SoCalGal said...

gorgeous - pic and writ!

Jordan said...

Rebekah,

I should probably marry you for how you "get" my verses. You are welcome to come diagram to your hearts content any time.