Thursday, February 11, 2010

What's Going On?

photo (and paperwhites) by Dr. Gooch this week

I'm in a fight with my blog.  But, like in a marriage, we are trying to maintain some sort of civility so we can make it through the "daily".  The silent treatment only makes things worse anyway.  So, here at the cottage our toes are numb and tax time is breathing down our necks.  Seth lost another tooth.  Lucy's clothes fit Hazel better.  And Hazel told me I can't send her to the moon because "Lucy really likes me and would be so sad".  I really do want to send her to the moon sometimes, just until she's 4.  I stole three empty shoe boxes from Target for Valentine Boxes for the rascals at school (Ashley was my accomplice--oh and Hazel, too.)  I've started beading again.  I have been thinking a lot about Stephanie Nielson and her trial and how it is different from my trial and your trial.  None of this lessens the pain for any of us.  Pain is a problem.  It gets in the way of our plans.  Life plans.  And then we discover that our plans never held much sway anyway and we begin the surrender.  I love the smell of paperwhites, the Doctor's aftershave, and garlic frying in olive oil.  I love the warmth I find in his feet, in an ichat with my Mom all the way over in Korea, in the tenderness of my children that I underestimate too much.  In these details we find repair.  In the subtle smells, sounds, and touch of people we love.  As for my blog and me...I think honesty is the key.  

21 comments:

Tracy said...

I like this post. This one makes sense to me.

I hope you and your blog make amends soon :-).

k a t y said...

I've never had such paperwhite profusion! Well done, Dr. G.

As for pain--well, I don't know how Stephanie does it. I would have given up by now. She is an inspiration and helps put things into perspective, but we still have to overcome our own trials, no matter the triviality of them.

Honesty is the best policy.

k a t y said...

PS I'm so glad you've started beading again. You're so good at it, it would be shameful not to see your creations.

TX Girl said...

It does seem ridiculous to moan and wallow in your own trials when you have a small glimpse into hers. It does provide prospective, which I'm always desperately in need of. Although somehow it doesn't necessarily make life easier.

You know I feel your pain on the whole tax thing.. curse them! (Whilst raising my fist in the air.)

I agree with Katy- I'm so glad you are beading again. I cherish my little Mrs. Gooch original.

About Hazel going to moon- it's just too bad you didn't name her Alice.

We live in a Zoo! said...

Honesty seems to be the key to everything.
PS-I have given you an award on my blog, because I love your blog so much :)

Emily said...

I'm Abby Sharp's sister and I'm pretty sure we have a lot of friends in common, including Stephanie, AND I'm in love with the house you grew up in (as seen from the blog when your parents were selling it) and I live in that neighborhood. Just wanted to say I think you're cool.

anna said...

I stumbled across your blog after your sister was featured on Design Mom. I have to admit, I have gone back and read a few old posts. They've been incredibly comforting to me. You see, my husband is a medical student and we have three little kids - my oldest is 3 1/2. I think you already know what my life is like :)

I really enjoyed this post. It was a nice reminder to just be still and know that God is in control. And to go hug my babies (even when they're driving me nuts).

I am happy for you that you are out of the training part of medicine (at least as far as I can tell) but I wish we had journeyed the challenging path together. You seem like a wonderful person.

Kurt Knudsen said...

Love the pw's. Can almost smell them.
Love your observations. Love you.

Michelle said...

You have the right words especially about the blog, these days I tend to have a love hate relationship, but it's probably more authentic than when I started. And just like the blog I have decided to not think of tax season. You don't want to see the numbers just pass it along to the accountant and find another distraction.

Heather said...

Dear Jordan,

I cannot remember how I stumbled upon your blog, but have been a regular reader for over a year now. Oh, how your words soothe my weary mothering soul at times. Thank you.

kelly said...

well this post was honestly a pleasure to read. fresh and simply put I think. thanks.

blogs are a funny thing.

Crystalyn said...

i adore you jordan. have had similar thoughts on my mind...in the last YEAR. why are some lessons so hard for me to learn.

surrender-ing really is the best answer. this last year has taught me this life is designed to break one's heart. it's the purpose of it, so that we will/can surrender. and we all have something different that will "break" us.

i think we need to be neighbors...thank goodness for online : )

LJ said...

yes, more honesty. more truth, please.

p.s. you look like a mother-warrior in your new profile pic.

Susannah said...

I started reading when I was expecting my first child, and made several trips through the archives. The fact that you write about the wonderful and not so wonderful parts of motherhood drew me in immediately (after the Stegner reference that is). I look forward to your posts!

Ann said...

So true. Most people only blog when they're happy--that creates a crazy unreality. I'm glad you blog even in the blues. It helps.

judy said...

Jordan, I follow your blog everyday and I find it honest and inspirational. I got on the mommy ride a long time ago but the principles are still the same. Faith, prayer and honesty. Keep it up, we're all reading.

Sonnie's Stories said...

Beautiful post. Thank you.

Ingrid said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ingrid said...

Beautiful, honest words...as always. Blogs are interesting. Yours is most definitely full of truth and inspiration.

Ann said...

Beautiful, Jord and beautiful Jord.

Pain does get in the way of our plans, doesn't it? But I find it is the pain that makes those plans that do happen (and the ones that are set aside as dreams until they have their turn) all the more concentrated in joy.

I'm glad you're beading again too--isn't there something magical about using our hands to create? Your jewelry is beautiful.

Love you.

Lizzy said...

Your honesty is not only beautiful, but refreshing. And your way with words truly inspiring. Thank you Jordan!