Thursday, January 28, 2010
More on Light
For days now my soul has been bemoaning. I keep it to myself mostly but it sometimes slithers out in moments like yesterday when my 3-year-old antics meter was wigging out and I couldn't stand it any more and I maybe might have told Hazel I was going to sweep the floor with her head. There are worse threats, right? I'm always hoping I don't ruin my children. Sometimes I come close.
So, usually once a week I have one of those really-this-is-my-life? kind of moments and by Tuesday I'm over it and happily swishing cobwebs and deposits from cute little bums down the toilet, singing as I go. But. This week. The bemoaning took over. I couldn't ever put a finger on it. Day after day I tried. And MUCH to his dismay, neither could Dr. Gooch--put a finger on it.
Then, it all changed when I left to go show "the apt" to another potential tenant. As I was leaving I mentioned to the Dr. that maybe we should reassign the window shades from the kitchen to places that were more vital--like the hall bathroom or our bedroom. They were too bulky to draw up all the way and thus blocked nearly half the window. I drove out to Chapel Hill to find a no show. A cancel. I drove back picking up a movie at Redbox that Craig had picked up earlier on his way home from work. Same movie. "We'll watch it twice", he says.
So I walk in and...it's done! The shades. Reassigned! I said "thank you" by sitting on his lap and chatting while he was trying to watch a soccer match on the computer. Because we don't have a TV and whatever are we going to do without a TV during the World Cup this summer? Bemoan bemoan.
But. All of this is neither here nor there because it wasn't until this morning that it happened. In a single moment. I was listening to Lucy and Hazel's morning bicker across the hall. They were playing "beetle" and the one who was the beetle got too aggressive with her pincers. There was crying and someone used the word "stupid", three times. So I got up and went straight downstairs to start the oatmeal so it would cool off enough by the time the four fish started leaping and snapping for food. Bemoan bemoan. Then. I turned the corner from the staircase into the kitchen.
And there was the light! St-reaming in! Making my morning uncomfortable because it was so unaccustomed to being filled with such hope and promise. So much so that after we delivered brother to school I came straight home and reassigned two more shades from the living room. Plus the guest room was bare of window treatments and wanted them badly.
And, I'm expecting guests.