Thursday, October 29, 2009

"Picking up Things" or "In a Wad"



Lately, over here at the CC, "Maddening" rhymes with "Motherhood".  The rascals are staging a coup against their mother and they've even roped little angel Avery (not even two!) into it.  I went to fetch her from her nap (an activity that would have brought me great joy pre-coup) and she had somehow rolled her crib over to the dresser and through the slats opened the drawers and emptied dispersed widely the contents.  This is their main tactic: spreading things all over for me to pick up.

When I gasped and said, "Avery! No!!" (not in reprimand, but in a "how-could-could-this-be" outburst), she stood staring at me, silent, until the lips began to quiver and very convincing sobs began to seep from her seams.  I knew better than to fall for it though (It is all a part of the coup).

Toddler on my hip, we sauntered into the family room and there, on the rug, her older brother (6 years) had somehow collected every possible choking hazard in the house and spread it in plain view and reach (and was nowhere to be found).  But, I did find him, he was in the basement with his father who was encouraging him to use latex paint with his regular clothes on (the ones that cost money and he wears to school) and hit is fingers repeatedly with a hammer.  At this sight, my knees trembled (not from fear, but from the betrayal).  Was my Dr. Gooch a part of the coup?

Then there was the deep (and surely saliva coated) finger swipe marks in the dessert on the countertop (Hazel?), the rose petal pile neatly place on the front porch near the rose bush now barren of blooms, the poop stewing in the toilet(s), and the Mr. Potato Head parts stuffed in the musical instrument box and vice versa--to name a few.

I was slowly being beat down by the forces of my own progeny and their papa.  Wounded and weary, I left the children to their own evil devices downstairs and deciding to lose myself in laundry,  I entered the girls' room to gather soiled shirts and skirts.  Suddenly there they were in plain view.  The socks.  Not just dirty, which is expected.  Not inside out, which is just annoying--but tied in multiple, super-strength knots.

I collapsed, defeated, to the floor and could have sworn I heard from the rooms below, four tiny cackles and one big guffaw.

17 comments:

Kurt Knudsen said...

They HAVE ganged up against you!
Send in the paratroopers.

Rebecca said...

OK, Jordan. I have to agree with the coup. But, really, a very cute coup at that.

Jessica said...

Oh Jordan, they did stage a coup! This has been one of my favorite posts--well written and easily relateable (sp?). Those rascals!

k a t y said...

Well. Your conspirators have mine beat. Sorry.

Ann said...

Rascals indeed! I think I need to come down and rescue for a few hours, where we can just be sisters and nothing else for the moment.

Michelle said...

Very hilarious- I sympathize, especially the poo in the toilet. When we lived in our rental we had a mini closet bathroom that was seldom used, we often found old presents in the toilet.

Ann said...

Awesome. At least there is some humor left in it all.

Ingrid said...

Oh the socks! Love it! You have some pretty clever, bright children, Ms. Jordan! You ought to be proud of them...including that big rascal Dr. Gooch! I'd rather my kids be running around making messes than sitting watching tv or keeping the house perfectly tidy...so pat yourself on the back for being a good Mama and giving those rascals a creative environment to shine! :)

TX Girl said...

Is it wrong that I laughed hysterically at the coup?

Jordan said...

This is me "seeing the humor" in life. So, no, TX Girl, your response was not inappropriate.

shawna b. said...

Jordan, please submit this to a magazine or put it in your book that you're going to write or something because this should be read by EVERY mother. We can all relate, and like TX Girl, I laughed hysterically too.
Now I'm off to tackle my own laundry issues, where I will most certainly find a sock situation of my own!

Melissa said...

So funny. Not out of spite, but out of understanding.

Panooch said...

Does the coup involve a Friday with the Henderson's on the Virginia Creeper Trail? Please say it does.

Yours Truly said...

I am sorry to have to tell you in the midsts of the madness because I don't know if this will register but I must say it. Delightful prose, my dear! I am such a fan.

michelle said...

Oh yes, we can all relate to this...

Melanie Anne said...

Oh boy can I ever relate to this post!! I was just lamenting to my husband tonight that I can not keep up with my 5 little conspirators...er I mean sons!:) I sure love your blog! Your photography and word skills are a delight!

Tracy said...

Definitely one of your better posts...I can relate entirely! One of my more commonly used expressions these days is, You sure know how to drive a mamma crazy!

My boys, BTW, like to collect things in their socks and then tote them around the house, stretching them out in the process. And I have learned not to leave spare pieces of string or rope anywhere in their sight, because otherwise it will surely end up tied all up in knots and strung through the furniture. It takes a long time to undo it all.