Thursday, April 09, 2009

When the World Cracks

Mary Deane, six months old, was diagnosed with Cystic Fibrosis yesterday
Dear Life,
Just thinking today of tough things. And how sometimes there's that sound that no one else can hear when your world as you planned it, as you built it, as you carefully fashioned it, breaks apart. Life skips along under the radar until these moments arrive and the door feels like it closes on you and there's only a tiny window that you look out of at the rest of the people "going on like normal". Sadness, anger, guilt, despair, and frustration run through your heart like a parade of pain while you try to make sense of it. Then the window opens and you begin to enter the world again, wary of onlookers and gingerly living to protect what this "crack in the world" rendered suddenly fragile. Then, you get to work, door flung wide, and begin to love fiercely and repair the fissures.
I experienced this at the raw age of sixteen when I rolled our family's suburban full of parents and siblings crushing my sister's pelvis. You can imagine the lengthy ramifications. I remember a lot from this moment, but the thing that sticks out the most was the immediate strength and calm of my mother. She was not afraid, she went to work repairing what had been done. It comes from faith, is driven by love, and denies despair.
Whether you are sixteen and just learning the power of forgiveness, or 26, newly single and re-learning to love and trust, or a young family of six whose daily conversations include the words "after the crash", or a brand new mother of a six-month-old beautiful baby girl with a life-long battle ahead--or approaching sixty and going to bed each night while everyone you love is on the other side of the world waking up to the same day you just lived and you can only watch from that far far distance--you have to open the door wide, let in the love that is offered, and get to work.
Love,
Mrs. Gooch
PS I love you.

20 comments:

Maria said...

I think you are a wonderful person!

Dana said...

Here is a ((HUG)) to all in your circle that may need one.

Crystalyn said...

so beautifully written. sorry to hear about the heartbreaking news. thinking of you and your sister.

big hugs.

TX Girl said...

Jordan,
This was just beautiful.
xoxo

Ann said...

Captured beautifully. So, so hard. God bless them.

Rebecca said...

Jordan,
I know each and every person in your family has a different and yet very difficult trial in front of them right now. But, each and every person in your family has different and VERY beautiful gifts given to them by our creator to get them through these trials by which I know they will come trough in shining colors. Your family is one of the most amazing families I have ever known and one I have always admired for the way you have been able to handle the all those hard times.

I KNOW the Lord is with you. I KNOW He will help Ann, Jacob, Your parents and Your family through these tough times. That is what He does. He will be there. He performs miracles. Keep your head up, have faith. I'll be praying for you and your family.

Love Always and Forever,
Rebecca Goodwin-McConnell

Anonymous said...

Thank you for sharing your gift of expression while describing a heartwrenching moment (whatever that moment may be) that no one wants but that everyone will face.

Kelly and Kelly said...

beautiful, as usual.

Tasha said...

Jordan,
I am so sad for your sister. As always, your words are poigniant and comforting. She and her family are in my prayers.

Jen said...

Thanks for sharing. I am sorry. You're a very talented writer.

sara b said...

This comment won't do my feelings justice Jordan. You brought tears to my eyes. You, my friend can put life into words better than anyone I know. Keeping you and yours in my prayers.

Katherine said...

Wow Jordan. This is just beautiful. What comforting words. What you described in your first paragraph is exactly how I felt a couple of years ago with Franny. I'm going to have to save this or print it out for my journal or something. I'm so sorry for your niece and your sister. It's heart-breaking. She is such a beautiful baby.

Susannah said...

Thinking of you and your family.

Tanya said...

Jordan,

What a beautiful little girl that Mary Deane!

It's obvious what a tightly knit family you have.

Your words exactly described my own life just over three years ago when our #3 was born and I'm wiping away tears as I remember those first days.

We'll be praying for you and yours on the start of this journey.

Tanya Christensen

judy said...

Jordan, I am so moved by your expression of coexisting grief and faith. Thank you for sharing such tender feelings. For you to include all of us in this process gives us strength and hope to mend at the broken places. Your gift for writing is a blessing for all of us.

Judy Canaan

The Original Mangums said...

Have faith, He knows and He cares. So do we.

Ingrid said...

Oh Jordan, you say it so well. As you know, we had a sudden heartache this past week and your words describe my feelings in practically every way. May you and your family find comfort and the love of all of us afar.

Ann said...

Thank you, my dear sister Jo.

Jessica said...

Beautiful. I am glad you can succor Ann during this difficult time. I remember the car crash--what a blessing that Katy survived and has used that pelvis to birth so many gorgeous little gals!

shawna b. said...

Oh, Jordan. I love you.

I am so sorry to hear about Mary Deane. I adore her name, by the way. It is delicate and spunky at the same time. Sending lots of love and prayers to this sweet little girl, her family, and yours.