Saturday, April 25, 2009

Song of Myself

I know that there are many who cannot have children for as many reasons. I know there are many who have chosen not to have children for whatever reasons. I ache for both. The last few days here in the Northeast have been warm. A warm that draws us out of our stuffy winterized homes into the grass out front. Hazel squats in our lawn that is really not a lawn at all, but a field of clover. Lucy and Hazel know clover. We've had multiple vases filled and refilled with her blossoms picked by these sisters and their brother found one with four leaves just last week. I am witness to all these brand new discoveries. Children leap life forward as adults inch at a crawl.

I sung to Lucy twice today. Sung songs she had never heard and I watched in her eyes as we sat on the warm concrete between the mailbox and the grass and she piled up her pickings. She brought me blossoms to weave her a crown.

I often go walking in meadows of clover,
And I gather armfuls of blossoms of blue.
I gather the blossoms the whole meadow over;
Dear mother, all flowers remind me of you.

We got rather sweaty in the process so we went indoors to cool down with some dancing. I began a familiar to me (and everyone else) tune.

Cellophane flowers of yellow and green,
Towering over your head.
Look for the girl with the sun in her eyes,
And she's gone.

Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Lucy in the sky with diamonds,
Ah... Ah...

Except, this was my Lucy's first time hearing it. Then I called upon itunes to play her the real version. She was visibly thrilled that there was an actual song about her that had diamonds in it two. Lucy is partial to diamonds and the music sent her into a spin--or rather, a twirl.

Then, after the day was over and Lucy sleeps dreaming of clover flowers and diamonds, I'm sure, I thought of the richness of it. The richness of taking part in the growth and discovery of a new human being. Of actually being appointed the vehicle from which this little life will launch. There is an intellectuality in this that no book can provide and with which no learning can compare. You've maybe experienced or thought on the fear of "launching" these lives into such a world. But, we don't underestimate our ability to safely launch these with all the confidence, happiness, faith, and fortitude necessary to survive.

Remember, we are large and contain multitudes.

"I pass death with the dying, and birth with the new-washed babe .... and am not contained between my hat and boots" --Walt Whitman


Robin said...

Wow. I feel lucky I got to read this today. Thanks, again, for articulating so well, such beautiful thoughts. (And pics!).

Rebecca said...

I love the clover blossom crown! I love being a mom. Thanks for the reminder.

Katy said...

Yes, beautiful words to read to start my sabbath morning. Thank you.

Shannon said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Shannon said...

Thanks for this post. It really spoke to me. You articulated your thoughts beautifully. You have a gift.

I, too, am grateful to be a mother!

S. Schuller said...

You have not only made me cry this evening, but you have spoken so beautifully and it touched a place in me. Thank-you. You have a gift for writing and more importantly for nurturing.

sara b said...

The perfect read to start my week fresh. You are always good for that and I so appreciate it, Jordan.

Tracy said...

I love both of those songs. There's and oldie after my name too, but it's not even close to as cool as Lucy in the Sky with Diamonds, and thus practically no one has heard of it.

Ingrid said...

Love it! I can picture Lucy listening intently to every note sung by her Mama and gazing at you with those sparkly, inquiring eyes. She is so full of life, curiosity, and goodness.

Michelle said...

I love seeing the reaction my kids have to a song with their name in it. Rose will have me play it over and over again- it makes them feel so special. Sorry about the house, what is going on here? Everyone is out buying homes now and the competition is fierce! Wishing you luck and I love your Joan Baez playlist- she's a fav of mine.

Anonymous said...

Lucy continues to be one of my hero's. I love Lucy. Hugs, (tinampj)(Ann's mominlaw)

Anonymous said...

You Jordan are my hero because you share so many of your talents with the blog world and are so honest while doing it. Love you, ps. I come and babysit for my favorite Knudson moms that need a break while their mom is away. I mean it...four hours away, TMPJ (Brendons mom in law)