Tuesday, February 03, 2009

Wanted: A New Family-Sized Dream


I was in Costco on the book aisle.


I was with my three girls. It was a gloriously un-crowded Tuesday for bulk shopping. And the shelves looked "just stocked". The Easter dresses were out to entertain my company and I found vegetarian meatballs. Things were looking bright. The sun was out, dinner was planned for the night and Dr. Gooch would be home to tuck in the children. I had nothing to lose but $300 dollars at checkout. Until my phone rang and in a way-to-anticlimactic way, I lost the house.
I heard the news while leaning against a pallet of Princess Coloring books. My purse hung on my arm, I pushed on toward the cracker sample lady and a dream slipped away. Just like that.
I called Dr. Gooch who was of course busy (have you ever been to the ER?) and said he'd call me back, which means, "I'll see you when I get home". So, I mulled alone over the news and wandered through the stacks of food and unnecessary household items of our beloved warehouse, which Hazel affectionately calls "The Costume".
Then, in the final stretch to the front of the store, perhaps in an effort at consolation, I snatched myself a slow-cooker. Perhaps tonight we'll eat beef. Really, really tender beef.
And come up with a new dream on the side.

35 comments:

Crystalyn said...

aw jordan. there just aren't words for times when dreams slip through our fingers just like that.

here's to new dreams and having them coming true.

Whitney said...

Jordan, I've been following your story and was hoping this would turn out differently....good luck with the new dream.

Your family is beautiful, I love your writing. Tell Gooch hi from Whitney--I'm Sarah (chicken coop)'s sister, friend to Craig from a past BYU Kendrick-filled past life, and my sister Emily knew your mom in the MFA program. What a neat family.

Kristin said...

I am sorry! This post made me so sad to read. I hope the meat is tender and a new dream will be consoling.

Ann said...

I ache for you and your lost dream. But if I know you well, and I do, you will create new dreams and make them happen too!

BRENTandROBIN said...

The new dream will be even more perfect when all is said and done. We love you guys so much and are praying you find and recognize the dream when it arrives.

Until tomorrow;)

Robin

Jessica said...

Dang. Sorry.

olivia said...

ickgh.

my stomach turns if i put myself in your place. i know you've thought it & you've heard it, but a better dream is surely coming.

crock pot means comfort food to me. we got one for our wedding & i think i have yet to convince ben it is valuable. maybe we'll just save it for when he experiences a crushed dream...

Tracy said...

So sorry for you Jordan...

Michelle said...

Oh- that is such a let down! I know too well what it's like to dream of every nook and cranny of a home and then have to come up with a new one, especially when there was something as perfect as what you had in mind. Keep looking I'm sure something will come up and then the excitement will come back as it usually does. So sorry, and guess what we put in an offer for our hopeful tonight!

Lexi said...

Sometimes these things happen for a reason {and I know it doesn't make you feel better to hear that, but it's so true!}

We fell in love with a house in New Orleans that we were sure would be ours- I had already started planning the colors of the walls and where the furniture would go when it came back that the home owners weren't going to accept our offer.

Then a month or two later, their agent came back and said that they were willing to listen to our offer again {this was right before the market took a drastic down turn}.

Well, we put in our offer again and I was giddy with excitement and thinking of not being in a rental with neighbors below and to the side anymore and how Peyton might finally have a back yard to romp around in when our agent called back and said no dice.

A year later, Troy started looking for work in Texas and miraculously, all of the pieces started falling into place and all of the stars started to align.

He ended up getting a job that would pay him $40 thousand more a year, the housing was cheaper there, the church stronger, it was out of the path of hurricanes and there were better schools for Peyton not to mention hills and elevation in land!

Now we are in the process of building our first home the way we'd like it down to what color brick we want on the exterior and what color wood floors we'd like.

I think Heavenly Father knows us better than we know ourselves and sometimes it hurts so much to get that small little 'not yet' when you are so ready to move on and live.

Sometimes what's in the future is so much better than what you had thought it would be that it's astonishing.

You also never know what guiding hand Heavenly Father has that you don't know about- perhaps there was problems with the foundation that would equal heartache down the road or other problems that can crop up after you've signed the paper work.

You never know what He's got in store for you or what he might be protecting you from.

Just know that when it's meant to be, it will all come together so fluidly that you'll know that His hand was involved.

Good luck with your future house hunting!

sara said...

noooooooooooo! :(

Huge bummer.

Here's to new dreams.... Hang in there!

TX Girl said...

I'm so sorry Jordan. I wish the news had been different.

I cannot wait to see what the new dream is. You always have the most beautiful dreams.

Gabby said...

Something similar happened to us and I reminded myself not to waste time mourning over something that was never mine to begin with. A house only becomes a home after you and your family live there and make it your own. Not being able to buy it was only a loss of a dream, not the house itself. And dreams come easy in the real estate market, especially now. How can I mourn what was never mine?

I couldn't imagine how the people felt who lost the house to foreclosure to begin with, after living there. I know some people get themselves into a financial mess by being unrealistic, dishonest or irresponsible, but others get there because of an unexpected illness or accident that derails their paychecks as well as their dreams. Real estate agents never want to say that because it can "taint" the house with sadness, but it's true. They'd rather you think of the people losing the home as irresponsible and therefore deserving to lose it, but they'd really rather you didn't think about them at all.

Or people who lose homes in fires, floods, hurricanes, earthquakes. Those were their homes, not just houses that they admired or want to live in. They rightly should mourn the loss, but I try to remember that I haven't really LOST the house since I never had it to begin with, I just didn't GAIN it.

Your true home is still just a house, waiting for the Gooch family to find it and make it a home. Cast your mourning aside and focus your energy on finding it!

I am sorry to read this post, though.

PS We have some applesauce in the fridge labeld "Mrs. Gooch's Applesauce" purchased at Whole Foods. I wish I could attach a photo. I think of you and your family every time we eat it, usually with homemade potato pancakes and a pork roast. Yum!

Elizabeth said...

So sorry! But keep dreaming!

Kelly said...

No! I think we all wanted that farmhouse for you guys. I'm so sorry it didn't work out. My heart just sank reading this. I hope your true new home reveals itself soon.

misadventuresofkellyandkelly said...

so, so sorry!

Ingrid said...

NO! NO! NO! We were hoping that was the one for you, but the best is yet to come! I'm sending GARGANTUAN hugs you way, Jordan.

Shannon said...

Jordan that is painful. I know what it is like to lie in bed awake with giddyness wondering and wishing, waiting for the call to tell you the house is yours. It will come. Like others said in their comments there is something better for your family.

merathon said...

i was SO sad to read about this! it seemed like such an amazingly perfect house and i had already envisioned coming to visit you there, even though we've never met! can't wait to hear about the new dream, which i'm sure will be FAB!

The Original Mangums said...

It is sad, we are sorry! But---the best is yet to be! Hang in there and see how wonderful life can be even without the farm! We love you!

amy m said...

It's awful to see a dream slip away. One of the worst feelings. I know this never makes things better, especially when it's something you really really want, but I do believe there are reasons for everything. You never know, you may find your dream in something else. For now though, it's totally understandable to mourn the loss.

I'm so sorry.

Natalie said...

RATS! I am so sorry! And, I too hate those phone calls from the hubbies that end quickly with "I gotta go, I'll call ya later." DOUBLE REJECTION for you.

I agree with Lexi. Your path is not only being provided and paved right now, but protected too.

Chin up sweetie. One thing I always remember about you is your angelic blue eyes. Don't let them tear up too much.

jayniemoon said...

SO sorry Jordan! Best wishes for an even better dream!

Tasha said...

Oh J! That house was YOURS! I Don't understand it!

I can't wait to hear about your new dreams and watch you go after them. I really am sorry, this super sucks!

Kurt Knudsen said...

sorry.

Jennifer said...

I think "Lexi" just said it best....there's better for you in another place.

...Or maybe it's not for you at all...but maybe someone else will benefit from being in the same place at the same time---which would not happen if you were in this particular house.

There is a silver lining! It will be a great day when we find out all the whys, won't it?!

Dana said...

Dang.

Carol said...

So sorry Jordan. What else can I say?

Emily Murdock said...

Oh, Jordan, I'm so sorry. I was secretly hoping that you would be moving your things in soon, and then MY dream would be like this: We become best friends, you invite me and my family to stay for a weekend in The Farmhouse, and then we never leave.
I suppose we've both lost a dream today. Yours was a little more probable, though, and therefore more of a loss. I'm just so sorry.
I can't wait to see what is around the corner for you now, though. Something INCREDIBLE, I'm sure.

michelle said...

Noooooooooo!! What a huge disappointment, Jordan.

I love the way you wrote this, it is truly beautiful the way you described the anti-climacticism of a dream slipping away... I can't wait to see what you dream of next.

sara b said...

shoooooooooot! that really stinks jordan. i was sure you would be living in that farmhouse in no time. i could picture you there. there is another beautiful farmhouse somewhere near by just waiting to be snatch up by your family of six. . . i can feel it.

Shawna B. said...

Oh. Jordan. Oh. I am so sorry. I wish it would have turned out differently because you wanted it so. Another home awaits ... North Carolina is full of charming homes and my wish for you is that you will find one that you love even more than this one.

You were wise to buy the slow cooker. It will be a nice to addition to your new kitchen sometime soon.

Sending lots of love ...

thedailydelights.com said...

Soo sorry, was really hoping for that farmhouse goochland...

You can have my green built uni-leveled floor plans I've designed for someday: art gallery hallways, studio,cork flooring, salvaged wood beams, raised stage near the piano for performing, light filled library instead of a living room, greenhouse attached to the dining/kitchen, private courtyard off the master and art studio, detatched garage...i can't build this dream anytime soon, but maybe you can. :)

Here's to your new dream...whatever it might be!

trina

Melissa said...

When one door closes another one opens! I am sure that you will find the house of your dreams sometime soon! Life is full of surprises!

Jessica Womble said...

Well, just keep dreaming. You never know what could happen.