Thursday, November 13, 2008

A Place For Seth

This conversation 20 minutes ago.

Seth: Mom, what are dreams?
Me: Dreams are what we see when we are sleeping. There are good dreams and sometimes bad dreams
Seth: And then they happen?
Me: sometimes they happen, sometimes they don't.
Seth: Mom, I want to sleep in your bed because I have bad dreams.
Me: Seth, any time you have a bad dream you can come get in bed with me, okay?
I had nightmares as a child and they would haunt me into the light of day. I still remember a particularly horrific one to this day. There were these super tall farmers--probably five or six of them wandering around our backyard in New Mexico. They were about twice as tall as our house. I was the only one home at the time (in the dream), I remember. It was really frightening. Now, recounting it, I'm not sure why, but it was.
It is rare that my boy will share his "feelings" openly with me--especially voluntarily. I really want to be there. When it happens. Just to be the someone upon which his fears can fall. I don't think I do a very good job most of the time. I get caught up in my own tangled life and forget why I'm here. Not to get the dishes put away or dig into that yummy pint of Ben & Jerry's in the fridge, or even publish the third post of the day. Not these things. But to make a place for him, for Seth, in the world. No matter how much it cuts into "my" time or how often it produces sleepless nights. To scooch over in bed, let his knees dig into my side and melt his fears away in the warmth of my own sleep disturbed.
A safe place. Just make a place.


Kurt Knudsen said...

sweet dreams to you both!
Love, grampa

Rebecca said...

You ARE that place for him. I can all ready see. M

michelle said...

I love these thoughts. I had terrible nightmares as a child that haunted me for years. Everyone needs a soft place.

Katherine Of It All said...

I love what you said about making a place for Seth in the world. That's a perfect summation of the job description. I struggle with that as a mother myself--but that is a wonderful reminder of what my blessed job is right now, especially while my children are young.

By the way, this is Katherine Allred, nee Katie Taylor from the corner of Oak Lane.

It's strange to read about your lovely family since I haven't seen you for years. I stumbled on your blog through Ann's. My sister Claire wanted to show it to me. I ran into Ashley and Ann and their little families at Tony Caputo's in SLC a few weeks back, and it was an experience of cognitive dissonance to see them there. I'm glad your whole family seems to be so happy.