Friday, May 30, 2008

Sound Asleep...

Lucy has sent me into a tailspin these past couple of days. Seriously, sometimes my head spins. She's found the opening. I'm not even sure where it is but it leads straight under my skin and lands point blank on my nerves. I'm really at a loss.

You won't believe what I said to her today. I said, "Lucy, you are going to send me to an early grave." Her coy reply, "That's alright, Mom." It's not alright by me. I've got a whole "life after Lucy" planned. I know you all think I'm cruel and 'why can't I just love her for her quirks' and 'just wade through this stage' or 'stay positive'? Because, her quirks make me wring an invisible neck in the air while she's not looking. Because, I have waded...I'm drowning now. Because...I don't know...did I use up all my optimism with the first child?

So at about 4:30, (those of you who have young chillins' understand what this time of day holds in store for a quiet unassuming mother) Craig left for work. But before he left he assured me, "You know you're going straight to heaven for all of this", as he scanned the unkempt room littered with children. "I'm either going straight to heaven or straight to hell, either one", I thought out loud. To heaven for attempting such a feat or to hell for how I managed said feat.

So, with Hazel already "tucked in", Lucy and Seth went off to bed miffed at mom for cutting story time short because Avery was screaming that really hard to ignore newborn-type scream and needed sorely to suck (pun intended--remember the nipple).

I fed sweet Aves, nestled her in the bean bag and took a few photos. I grabbed the half-read book on the couch and slipped into Seth's room to finish it with him. But, he was sound asleep.
So I set the book down next to his blond, sweaty head. Next stop--Lucy's room. I wanted to make amends with my darling girl before the day truly came to an end. But, she was sound asleep.

So, I sighed my way back to find some company with the baby. But, she was sound asleep.

I cried a little. Then, started folding the laundry.

While I turned mini t-shirts right side out I thought this thought, "I have four healthy children, with full bellies, safely tucked in their beds. Maybe I might just make it to heaven. Maybe."


Laura said...

Oh Jordan, you can do it. And bless you for doing it!!! I think it's hard and my four are 13yrs and younger. I really can't imagine four under the age of four. Wow, that's a lot of four's, maybe sometime soon you'll be able to get four consecutive hours of sleep. Oh the thought!!!
Love, your cousin Laura

rebecca said...

I tell you.

Through hell (some days), then straight to heaven.

You rock.

Shannon said...

Oh Honey! I feel for you. We all make it somehow, Right?

Rebecca said...

I wonder if we think Heaven is just sitting around wearing white. Maybe, just maybe, Heaven is having children that just drive you crazy enough that even when they are asleep they are all you think about.
Maybe. Because right now it sounds pretty wonderful wearing white and just sitting around, doesn't it?

Anonymous said...

A child wants attention no matter how they get it. Positive or negative. With so many little ones and all your stresses ,new baby, moving, not feeling well(cracked nipple)it is no wonder you have a child taking you to the edge. I learned the hard way with my difficult child. As hard as it may be try only giving praise. Catch her doing good. No verbal attention for wrong doing. You are doing an amazing job. Take a time out for yourself .

Ann said...

I admire you Jord

Becca said...

I loved reading this--nicely said and so much I could identify with.

Tracy said...

This is my favorite post of yours well put. I can identify so completely. Bless you, and all moms, who find themselves in similar situations and stay in control enough to only wring an invisible neck!

Carol said...

You are doing it Jordan!!! Every day you are doing it!!!

Jeni said...

Oh, are a greater woman than I. I am far too selfish. Which is why I'm not having another child any time soon. Calyn plays all day in her room and I'm free to do whatever I wish. I'm not bragging...I really am too selfish. I can't give myself to others like you do everyday. You're awesome. Love you!

I'd check "Heaven" on your report card.

Jill said...

I'm sure you're going to heaven!

Tasha said...

Absolutely you will. Absolutely.

Shannon said...

For some reason this brought tears to my eyes. Maybe I can cling to the hope that I'll make it, just like you, straight to heaven! It seems to me that you are already on your way.