Lucy has sent me into a tailspin these past couple of days. Seriously, sometimes my head spins. She's found the opening. I'm not even sure where it is but it leads straight under my skin and lands point blank on my nerves. I'm really at a loss.
You won't believe what I said to her today. I said, "Lucy, you are going to send me to an early grave." Her coy reply, "That's alright, Mom." It's not alright by me. I've got a whole "life after Lucy" planned. I know you all think I'm cruel and 'why can't I just love her for her quirks' and 'just wade through this stage' or 'stay positive'? Because, her quirks make me wring an invisible neck in the air while she's not looking. Because, I have waded...I'm drowning now. Because...I don't know...did I use up all my optimism with the first child?
So at about 4:30, (those of you who have young chillins' understand what this time of day holds in store for a quiet unassuming mother) Craig left for work. But before he left he assured me, "You know you're going straight to heaven for all of this", as he scanned the unkempt room littered with children. "I'm either going straight to heaven or straight to hell, either one", I thought out loud. To heaven for attempting such a feat or to hell for how I managed said feat.
So, with Hazel already "tucked in", Lucy and Seth went off to bed miffed at mom for cutting story time short because Avery was screaming that really hard to ignore newborn-type scream and needed sorely to suck (pun intended--remember the nipple).
I fed sweet Aves, nestled her in the bean bag and took a few photos. I grabbed the half-read book on the couch and slipped into Seth's room to finish it with him. But, he was sound asleep.
So I set the book down next to his blond, sweaty head. Next stop--Lucy's room. I wanted to make amends with my darling girl before the day truly came to an end. But, she was sound asleep.
So, I sighed my way back to find some company with the baby. But, she was sound asleep.
I cried a little. Then, started folding the laundry.
While I turned mini t-shirts right side out I thought this thought, "I have four healthy children, with full bellies, safely tucked in their beds. Maybe I might just make it to heaven. Maybe."