Sunday, January 13, 2008

Resolution





I'm 30-years-old and one day. There's a marathon that runs past our chapel today here in Phoenix so church is delayed. The children are in quiet time. Craig is in the ICU. The celebration was grand. It included, among other stellar activities, a nap, a haircut, a homemade card from the kids and their father who had the day off, a pinata, and birthday wishes by phone, and then all five of these nice tribute posts--not in that order. Craig marked, in writing, the events that are about to crowd this 3rd decade of my life, of our life (including Seth in high school!!) Apparently things don't calm down at all for 30-year-olds.



Simultaneously starting a new year and a new age demands some resolutions. Last year's was a last ditch effort at survival, newly post-partum with Hazel and only half way through this medical trip. Here I vowed to "clean less". Resolution resolved. Completed. Well, done. This year, pre-partum, and closing in on the last leg of the trip, a more meaningful plan is in order.



A few days before my birthday I found myself flipping through photo albums. From my birth to now. I came away from that stint on the couch with the strong impression that "nothing matters". I mean, a lot matters, but all the peripherals that seem to run our calendars...well, they're not it. The matters worth penciling in are the moments where we let each other be just what we are and are kind and loving to that being. It was after a movie sitting across from each other in a booth right next to the bar. It was loud and crowded. He confessed that he felt there was a whole side of me that I hadn't revealed yet, after nearly 7 years. I only smiled and nodded, knowing he was right, actually knowing who he was talking about, that "who" who hides for now to let responsibility and child-bearing/rearing shine. "But, I can wait for it". Here, after that addendum to his confession, I only let out an embarrassing burst of a sob in gratitude. Grateful that he wants to "let me be" and then love who I am being.



So this year and for the next ten--my thirties--I'm going to let them be: the four little bodies we made together plus him and me. Let them be who they are right now, every day. Love them. Love loving them.



(Also, I'll continue cleaning less, because sweet Sylvia from El Salvador was a once-a-month birthday gift this year. Hurray for what a little money put aside can buy!)

14 comments:

Kurt Knudsen said...

Love your sentimnents. Loved Craig's too.

Michelle said...

Happy late birthday! Thirty is thrilling! How's that!

michelle said...

Happy belated birthday, Jordan! Five tribute posts, not too shabby...

I love your words here (and always).

Tasha said...

Jordan,
Happy Late birthday! Does it count that I really did think of you all day yesterday, off and on? Struggling with the littles, loving on the littles, running, etc. etc. You are right, that little bit of hired out help will make all the difference.
I LOVE YOU!

aubrey said...

happy birthday to you! what fantastic birthday tributes you received. you are obviously a very loved and admired woman. just knowing you through blogging for a short while has made that fact evident. i loved reading that sweet interaction between you and your husband. and congrats on getting to have your house cleaned once a month. awesome. happy birthday!

Jenny Dahl said...

Oh Jordan I loved this post! And Happy late birthday.

Heidi said...

Happy Birthday! You have accomplished SO much before 30. I had no idea you were not 30 yet! I'm glad Craig had a day off and that you pampered yourself a little. The 30's are great!

Jill said...

Happy Birthday! I think the 30s are fabulous and you've got a good thing going.

Jeni said...

Sweet haircut! You're a rock star.

amy m said...

Just Be! A beautiful concept. Happy Birthday!

Amy said...

I love how you worded this. A tricky lesson in the learning.

Elizabeth said...

I am glad you had a nice birthday. And how cute your pg belly is.

TX Girl said...

HAPPY Be-Lated BIRTHDAY JORDAN. Of all the people I know, you are by far one of the coolest. Seriously you are such a super star! I hope you had a fantastic day. I wish I had a Sylvia.

nie nie said...

HAPPY BIRTHDAY JORDAN!