Sunday, September 30, 2007

We're Back: My Little Grape and Me...


...Since we do everything together and he/she pretty much consumes my life I should probably start referring to my pregnant self as "we". I am 9 weeks. He/she is the size of a grape. We have 217 more days to go. You guys, that is pretty much like a whole year. I'm not dramatic. Am I? A good friend recently quipped, "You've always been dramatic, Jordan." What? I feel I only tell it like it is.


Seth is a head short of his teammates. He is the blond one. Number 2. I feel like Seth looks here. He is so tiny sitting hunched in a little ball on the sidelines preoccupied, daydreaming, oblivious. But he's involved in an obvious-to-everyone-else plan. Sitting out temporarily while the rest of the team rushes up and down the field engulfed in the action. He will get in on it again as soon as he is called upon. I get oblivious. Too often oblivious to "the grand plan" and actually become engulfed in the "sideline action" in my head. I'm snapping out of it again. And again. Coming around, joining the team.


So, I've been pretty sick. Sicker (a word?) than my other three pregnancies, actually four--I miscarried at 8 weeks on one between Seth and Lucy. The wooziness combined with the fatigue have laid me low. I mean low. One day, poor sweet husband came home from a long day at work and found the house in complete disarray. I mean cushions strewn, dishes molding not even in the sink--still stuck to the countertop, crumb-laden floors, well I could disgust you further, but why? I pleaded (as I lay curled up in my little white robe on the couch) for him to "leave it, leave it!" But he didn't--leave it, that is.

He told me two things the other night as we sat at Phoenix's oh-so-hip-and-trendy LGO eating dinner:


1. "My favorite part of you being pregnant (I inferred in my mind that what he was about to say was second only to the baby he gets at the end of it all) is I never know what to expect from you." I protested, saying surely you can't mean you LIKE these mood swings and vomit-complaints?

2. "Despite what you think, I'm watchin' out for you."


He is. Watching out for me. Despite what I think. And I love him for it. My vision is clouded by the omnipresent, aforementioned nausea and fatigue. I can't really "see" straight, I certainly am not thinking straight and while we're on the subject, I can't keep house straight, raise children straight, or perform my wifery duties straight. It is wearing on my normally cheery disposition.

So, that's why I've taken a week "away from the desk". Some days I didn't even turn on the computer. I had nothing positive to report. And, now, I have nothing exciting to report, but feeling much more optimistic. Just the same old Jordan gibberish. So....that's why I bought my garden gnome. He was so cheery sitting in the garden center at Target. He really makes me smile each time I peer out at him amongst the rocks and desert shrubbery. My mom might call and ask if I've gone cuckoo (like when I posted a picture of my lips) And yet, all I really needed was to hear that there was someone out there "watchin' out for me"--not just a gnome (who will travel with us to all our many future garden spots), but a really really important someone.

This week in numbers: four shots for Seth whose bravery was noted and rewarded with the requested "two wrappers of Smarties" candies. He also warned his sister "not to move when you get your shots because when you move it makes the shots hurt". Seth's team played the Gentle Giants on Saturday (game number one)--I don't know who won, but it was fun to watch him running and drowning in his jersey. We (well, Seth) swam in the pool for the last time this season. I made a soup duo: cream of broccoli and chicken noodle (minus the chicken). Craig keeps running working up to that 26.2. We figured out Lucy will be a ladybug and Seth will be a ghost for Halloween. I put a witch silhouette up in the front window. Halloween is in 31 days. Come to our house for some super spooks!



So, feeling a little less pukey, we are also "crossing off this week on the calendar" and moving forward--now with a gnome!!
PS Thanks for missing me. I guess there is more than just someone watchin' out for me.








14 comments:

Jenny said...

I think you are WAY more positive than you give yourself credit for. I am the WORST pregnant person ever. And I am sure Doug can attest to that. It's PMS time 1000. I am glad you have such a great hubby looking out for you. And if the gnome made you smile--than by golly it was worth the price :)

rebecca said...

Hello dearie. Can I come over?
Missing you.

Heidi said...

Glad to have you back! You can vent anytime... I think you are among like company with your readers more than you think :) Wish I could be there to give you a break! PG is such a sacrifice in so many ways. Hang in there :)

Kelly said...

Oh, I am sorry you've been so sick. Contrary to my wish for you in your last post, a week away due to nausea is not a gnome-worthy destination. I hope the grape treats you more kindly in the 217 days to come. Glad you've made it back to blogland.

Katherine said...

I love you Jordan. You blog is a always a treat to read. I hate this part of pregnancy! And I have only been pregnant twice. I remember bringing a pillow into the bathroom while I was giving Frances a bath so could rest my head for a few moments while she was in the tub! (Still awake, of course.) Hang in there. Impressed that you're making soup for your family! What a trooper!

ingrid said...

Oh, Jordan, I know the feeling! I SO wish I could be there to help you. Perhaps I will...email me!

Hang in there and know that you are loved! How sweet of Craig to let you know that he is watching out for you. He's a stellar guy!

I agree with Heidi that you are among like company with your readers more than you know. That gnome makes me smile too...it's hard to tell, but is he giving two thumbs up?

Jill said...

I think we're all watching out for you! All your loyal readers care about what's going on with you and are wishing you well. So tell like it is, whether it's dramatic or not. I tend to assume all is well when people don't post their struggles for fear of being negative, so I think it's best to spill it no matter how bad it sounds.

I really don't know how anyone manages to be pregnant when they've got other children (especially small ones). My first pregnancy was gloriously indulgent with much napping, reading and daydreaming, but the next one was harder because I already had a toddler. So my heart goes out to you and your 3 other littles. Surely crusted dishes, displaced cushions and you on the couch is completely understandable!

Rebecca said...

glad you're back! MOM

Christine said...

Did you know that I actually look forward to reading what you have to say? Some people read the newspaper, I read Jordan's 'Angle of Repose'. Hope you don't go away for too long.

Michelle said...

Good to hear that you are feeling up to blogging again. Every pregnant woman deserves license to be dramatic at all and any times. It's always fun to see what your up to!

Shannon said...

Jordan It is important to share the good and the bad. I love reading your posts and have never thought you to be a complainer. I would see it as just a low point for you. Knowing that you would bounce out of it. That Craig is one fabulous husband. He would have to be pretty fabulous in order to deserve you. I too craved lipton soup in the paper package. We are all thinking of you.

Elizabeth said...

Kalani has come home many days to the scene you described. I feel like I am now pulling out of it. I hope it get feeling better soon.

michelle said...

I don't think of you as a complainer, Jordan. Dramatic? Well, let's just say I like it when you tell it like it is.

I'm glad Craig (and many others) are watching out for you. And I think he's pretty lucky if it's only been one day of coming home to disarray. You made soup? Two kinds? My last pregnancy was so awful, I think I only cooked 3 times the entire time. Seriously.

Give yourself a break!

Jason R said...

I love your honesty. Your sentiments are all too familiar. I am trying to pep talk myself to go for number 4, but my memory is just to clear this time. I think that the best way to go is to be suprised with an "oopsies". That way, you just have to deal with it and don't have to blame yourself for the bad timing. Because really, is there ever a good time to be totally sick and tired for a year? Hang in!