Monday, July 09, 2007

Life's Moments and My Mind: A Recurring Reconciliation

Seth and I ripped some Rhubarb from Grandpa's garden. Grandma made Apple-Rhubarb crisp for Sunday dinner at the Baker's.
I'm trying not to let myself get in the way of these moments. Trying to let things wash over me. Apparently I'm losing my mind. All too apparently. More on that later. The photos I've been snapping on my camera here are trapped inside the apparatus with the cable left at home in Phoenix. And who wants to read a picture-less post? So, I do have photos to illustrate the misplacement of my mind--they are forthcoming once we can muster the courage to return to our sweet summer desert.

I say sweet because I'm also trying to reconcile myself with the fact that, though I describe my taste for her as bitter, I am living in this desert for 365 more days--give or take. I was pondering today on how it is not her fault that people chose to settle in her dry, cactus-speckled hills. She didn't need them and didn't feel needed by them. She was thriving as a Desert and never asked to be cemented and plastered with retail shops and strip malls. So, my bitterness is no longer aimed at the place, but...the fact that people tried to mold her, this perfect Desert, into something she is not, nor wanted to be. Poor, sweet, desert. I think, eventually...eventually, her strongest quality--her heat--will drive the people away. Until then, I suppose we'll tread lightly, try not to complain too loudly and remember that she is not to blame--then, of course move away in a year.
Is that what losing your mind is? Feeling overtaken by the desires and needs of others even when your landscape seems unable to support such demands? So, how is this reconciliation made? How do we accept the Settlers of Our Minds? How do we make room for the squatters that scrape our soil and carve from our climate? Questions for another day.

14 comments:

ingrid said...

So does this mean you will be moving to Florida in a year? I am almost positive there are at least two families that would just LOVE some Floridian Mangums!

Michelle said...

what a great question-I ponder the same question at least on a weekly basis. By the way if you are still in town this week I would love to try to get together for a play date or something? You're just up the street! Let me know if that works for you.

rebecca said...

The difference between me and your "cactus-speckled" desert is that I DID invite in many of those "settlers"; reminding myself of that *almost* always helps. A bit. Squatters, now they are another story.
1 more year!

Amy said...

Oh Jordan, I would gladly read your ponderings without pictures. Anytime really. But I do have high interest in "misplacement of the mind"...as it is most definitely one of my best talents.

Dave said...

my mind is misplaced as well!

that picture of seth with rhubarb is great. he looks as though he always has a fun time...happy. the pie sounds delicious.

i like your take on feeling sad for the desert instead of bitter. again, great perspective.

Crystalyn said...

that's never happened to me before...i guess dave was signed in. but that's me ;)

michelle said...

Ever since our gathering on Friday night, I have been asking myself the same things! Why did people settle there? And how do they stay, when it seems unfit for human habitation? Here's to counting down!

Lucy said...

Jordan,

I can't help but comment on your posts. I feel a bit stalker-like as you've never o.k'd my visits but I do really enjoy your perspective. So...comments I make.

There were several months this last year where it looked more than likely that we'd settle in that metropolitan desert. Being from the northern Rocky Mountains myself, it was a hard thing to feel good about. But, also being attached to resident/doctor looking for his dream job meant a willingness to go anywhere his radiology trained self needed to be.

Thankfully, that door closed but I always knew that if that many millions of people chose to inhabit and seemed ok with three different shades of stucco houses, then eventually, I, too, would find happiness.

Let the countdown begin!

Jordan said...

Lucy! I love reading your insight. And, I HAVE a Lucy, so that makes for an extra connection. I didn't know you were in this same "stage" of the doctor trail. Where are you going to go?

amy m said...

my mind is whirling as I contemplate these questions. I love the way your mind works...it made me think of life.

I think at times we need to allow some of those squatters in our mind so we remember we are not here to face it alone. The bumps, bruises, demands make us who we are in this life. And although we fight hard to stay who we are change inevitable must occur because we live, and with every experience we grow.

Lucy said...

Jordan,

We just finished up in Spokane after five years and started a one year fellowship at the University of Utah at the beginning of July (why stop when you can just.keep.going?). My husband, Jay, accepted a position in Durango, CO so that's where we'll go next year. He grew up there and it's an absolutely unbelievable town so I'm very excited.

I have a Seth too. Now, it's an extra, extra connection:)

Jordan said...

Amy...yes!!! I DO need to let go a little and just let those settlers get comfortable! why oh why do I fight it?!

Lucy! I'm delighted!! I hadn't thought of Durango...hmmm, one more to add to my wish list.

Jenny said...

As weird as it may sound being a native of that desert, it will be hard when it comes down to it to move. I think the end of the tunnel always seemed so far away, and now it's just reality. You need to trek out to Gilbert, it really is greener out on that side of town. Bummer we missed you at lunch the other day.

nie nie said...

i feel the same way. i cant stop crying at the fact that i live here. i miss rock caynon.