I'm trying not to let myself get in the way of these moments. Trying to let things wash over me. Apparently I'm losing my mind. All too apparently. More on that later. The photos I've been snapping on my camera here are trapped inside the apparatus with the cable left at home in Phoenix. And who wants to read a picture-less post? So, I do have photos to illustrate the misplacement of my mind--they are forthcoming once we can muster the courage to return to our sweet summer desert.
I say sweet because I'm also trying to reconcile myself with the fact that, though I describe my taste for her as bitter, I am living in this desert for 365 more days--give or take. I was pondering today on how it is not her fault that people chose to settle in her dry, cactus-speckled hills. She didn't need them and didn't feel needed by them. She was thriving as a Desert and never asked to be cemented and plastered with retail shops and strip malls. So, my bitterness is no longer aimed at the place, but...the fact that people tried to mold her, this perfect Desert, into something she is not, nor wanted to be. Poor, sweet, desert. I think, eventually...eventually, her strongest quality--her heat--will drive the people away. Until then, I suppose we'll tread lightly, try not to complain too loudly and remember that she is not to blame--then, of course move away in a year.
Is that what losing your mind is? Feeling overtaken by the desires and needs of others even when your landscape seems unable to support such demands? So, how is this reconciliation made? How do we accept the Settlers of Our Minds? How do we make room for the squatters that scrape our soil and carve from our climate? Questions for another day.