I am fairly isolated. When I go over my days, they add up to A LOT of time at home. This orientation will change as fewer and fewer of my kids need less and less daytime slumber. But, for now we are home, the four of us--Craig sporadically making it five--together. I am working out my stumbling in this adult world and trying to lay the tiles of a "happy childhood" for my littles.
Trying not to let "the heat of the moments" of our days rule "the whole"--the sum of what adds up after it is all said and done. There is very little structure in this chapter. We are all "pre-school" and the sun, our hunger pangs, and fatigue rule our conduct. No one else is "relying" or expecting". I chomp away at household chores, but mostly look for love and laughter. These two things add up to "a whole" that satisfies.
I try not to let the mindlessness of our doings interfere with their gravity. I have my "posts" and they, apparently, have theirs. The gap between our desires sometimes seems too wide a rift to address, but really we both just want to be loved. Is this hard?
It is feverish, constantly trying to manage the emotions. Both mine and hers and his...and ours. This fever grips our bodies forming knots of worry and wonderment: how are these three beauties mine?
The sweetest part of it all...after "all" is said and done...is the unconditionality. We were born to love each other and we are happy to fulfill this birthright. This makes it utterly possible.