Friday, June 22, 2007

Pictures from yesterday, words for now...

I am fairly isolated. When I go over my days, they add up to A LOT of time at home. This orientation will change as fewer and fewer of my kids need less and less daytime slumber. But, for now we are home, the four of us--Craig sporadically making it five--together. I am working out my stumbling in this adult world and trying to lay the tiles of a "happy childhood" for my littles.
Trying not to let "the heat of the moments" of our days rule "the whole"--the sum of what adds up after it is all said and done. There is very little structure in this chapter. We are all "pre-school" and the sun, our hunger pangs, and fatigue rule our conduct. No one else is "relying" or expecting". I chomp away at household chores, but mostly look for love and laughter. These two things add up to "a whole" that satisfies.
I try not to let the mindlessness of our doings interfere with their gravity. I have my "posts" and they, apparently, have theirs. The gap between our desires sometimes seems too wide a rift to address, but really we both just want to be loved. Is this hard?
It is feverish, constantly trying to manage the emotions. Both mine and hers and his...and ours. This fever grips our bodies forming knots of worry and wonderment: how are these three beauties mine?
The sweetest part of it all...after "all" is said and done...is the unconditionality. We were born to love each other and we are happy to fulfill this birthright. This makes it utterly possible.

8 comments:

Shawna B. said...

I agree, it's the "unconditionality" that makes it all possible. Like you, I often wonder how these three children are MINE. It's astounding at times really. I still feel like a kid myself so often! Humbling indeed to be the one they come to, the one they ask, the one they lean on.

Hope the strep makes its exit soon. A curbside culture! You deserve such a convenience, my friend! Wishing the Mangum littles good health ~

ingrid said...

I love their "posts!" Like both you and Shawna, I ponder how these three are mine (and tomorrow, hopefully, a 4th!)Very, very humbling indeed.

You are such a fun Mom! Your kids are well loved and cared for, and yes the curbside culture is quite the convenience! Strep is no fun, but thanks to amoxy, it will be gone soon.

May I get the recipe for that sweet concoction at the end of your post?!?!?

rebecca said...

Yes, indeed, we all just want to be loved! It is possible. Even when the emotions are not managed well, the sum of your days - surely magic for your babies. The big picture - sometimes the only one worth looking at. You are incredible!

Can't believe the strep... hopefully they are feeling better?

And yes, don't the butterflies look right at home in Sabine's room? :)

Crystalyn said...

you really are incredible! the laying of "happy childhood" tiles overwhelms me at times. i desperately want this for them but feel i fall short much of the time. i fear too many of my tiles are "to-do's" and not the magic ones.

michelle said...

oh Jordan, you have so much wisdom in you! It is hard mothering small children, but embrace this time of being ruled only by hunger, the sun, fatigue, etc. Sometimes I resent being ruled by school schedules, lessons and the like. I guess every stage has its difficulties -- and its improvements. Loved your thoughts on being born to love each other. My answer to your question is yes, it can still be hard to do at times, but at least we know we do have the capacity to love unconditionally!

Rebecca said...

Taking care of all those kids plus a yummy treat! You are a marvel.

Michelle said...

Very well said- I have had these same reflections now with both my girls at home all day. I am so glad to know that someone can articulate, as well as you do, how so many mothers feel!

Jeni said...

I love Lucy's back-up pacifier...that girl knows that if you really like something, have a second one handy.