Thursday, March 08, 2007

Gloom to gratitude


3:48am, at the side of my bed:
"my room is too little, I need to sleep in your room."

Who? What? Oh, Seth, what are you doing?
It had only been a few hours since I had gotten up with Hazel for her midnight feeding. I sat up. Ouch...my head was pounding. What is going on? Grumpiness set in. I settled my boy on the floor beside my bed, who had apparently, overnight, grown out of his room. After a half an hour of restless shuffling around on the carpet I asked, "would you like to get back in your own bed?"

"ya."

It was a day whose end required post-bedtime kisses on their slumbering foreheads. Do I sometimes take two steps forward and three back? Certainly.

But, sometimes on a shiny day full of calm heads and rested limbs, we don't even step at all. We dance and roll and cradle. Seth sends a stream of thoughts my way, unannounced one after the other, "Um, how 'bout we check the tomatos out front again", "Um, how 'bout you build a fort with me". Lucy in lap holds my cheeks in her sweaty hands and without agenda caresses my face and asks, "you okay, mommy?"

I am okay, thank you and grateful for a fresh start each morning. Though some (due to bedroom size discrepencies and other such excuses) are less fresh than others, I am grateful to be at the start.


13 comments:

carlo said...

Oh Jordan how I love your words, your spin on things. I really, really do. Seth's giant growth spurt is too precious, though I am sure it was more precious to you AFTER you were able to go back to sleep!

I, too, had an evening which required extra kisses while the girls were far away in dreamland...

You summed it up perfectly-- grateful for a new day and a new start...thanks for sharing...

rebecca said...

Such an intense world you wake to, whether at 3:48 or 7. Your littles are lucky to have a poet for a mother, one ready to open her eyes and take them all in, to "dance and roll and cradle."

Elizabeth said...

I rememeber my girl holding my face like that and asking me the same question. Those chubby sweaty hands. I am also happy for the new start of each day. I think I need to go kiss my little ones again who are tucked in bed.

Amy said...

I know this feeling. I love Rebecca's words. "Your littles are lucky to have a poet for a mother." Oh, the words you weave.

Jill said...

You have a gift for making the woes of motherhood sound so poetic. It's totally fitting because there's so much beauty mixed in with those woes. I hope today is a better day.

amy m said...

Beautifully written as always.

I can completely understand your pain as I had a little one sneaking into my bed last night. Some nights I welcome it and others I don't.

I too love start overs fresh or not.

annalisa said...

Room to small huh? That is too cute. Good for you for not letting him get in bed with you or his room will always be too small.
Somedays do need extra after-bed kisses don't they?

michelle said...

going from gloom to gratitude is my favorite transition! I always count myself blessed when I can manage it. Good for you for pulling that off with not enough sleep. New beginnings are priceless.

TX Girl said...

Those pesky rooms- shrinking in the middle of the night. It is hard to be mad when they obviously just want loves.

I too am grateful for a new day at the start- tender mercies.

Kelly said...

We have all been there in the gloom. It's always a blessing to start a new day feeling grateful for the chance. Thanks for putting it in such a lovely way.

Jenny said...

I too am thankful for a new day. Wouldn't it be awful to have a groundhog day everyday? (like the movie) well, unless it was good of course. Here's to a new day!

Crystalyn said...

you really have a way of putting things into words. i know those morning that are less fresh than others. glad to know i'm not the only one that has grumpiness set in during middle of the night rendezvous. i've been thinking about how all of this will work out with #3 making his/her arrival and the middle of the night hours required to feed this little creature. i might have to revisit some of these posts to get me through!

i have more days than i care to admit that require post-bedtime kisses. the kisses also tug at my heart strings as i want them to somehow in their sleep feel that love and apology from their mama.

thank goodness for the start overs.

shawnaB. said...

I love the images from this post. Seth's "how 'bouts" and Lucy's little hands. Priceless. We are so very blessed to spend our days in the company of these little teachers. They can be strict taskmasters, at times - so thank goodness for fresh starts. Love you, Jordan!