Friday, November 10, 2006

One Week Old and No More Waiting


Hazel waxing philosophic
For 40 weeks--in my case 41--your life is filled with intense expectation. It gathers momentum as you gather the pounds and punches from inside. The waiting is big, it fills everything and dictates most of what is done in those weeks of pregnancy. Then, the baby is born and a little hurricane stirs up the house. Then, she's a week old and life has settled on yet another angle of repose where repeated feedings and rocking have set the rhythm of a life that was before all uphill anticipation. It is a strange feeling to not be waiting anymore. Although I barely have a moment to sit down and write a few lines (I've attempted this post several times previous to now), I feel like the world has stopped and is awaiting my next move and I don't have one planned. It is a hard emotion to explain, have you ever felt this? It is probably where the post-partum blues stem from. I am trying to just let this "repose" wash over me. It is never a good idea to fight it. Hazel is beautiful and healthy. Craig is home a lot and the kids are happy. I couldn't be more blessed (okay, maybe a housekeeper would push it to perfection).

10 comments:

michelle said...

Again, I love this post. You have a wonderful way of expressing yourself, Jordan. Yes, I have felt this way! And I love how you said you need to let the repose wash over you. Sometimes it's so hard to do nothing but feed, hold, change diapers, and try to get some sleep. But you're right, there's no fighting it, so I hope you can enjoy it.

I wish I could send you a housekeeper! That would be a little bit of perfection. Where on earth did you get that darling little onesie?

Jordan said...

You are sweet, Michelle. I can't even remember where I got it--all my kids have worn it (I'm starting to sound old).

Betsy said...

at 35 weeks I am ready for the "waiting" to be over. I hope I can feel a little settled just a week after the baby arrives... you are amazing!

amy w. said...

I think that feeling you need to make a next move is a result of motherhood. Its that feeling of what are we going to do next, what am I going to feed the kids, whats next on my list, etc. But I must say, at your moment, you are in survival mode. Feed, hold, change is what it is about right now. As Michelle says, don't fight it. You are doing what you are supposed to be doing (and don't put any more expectations on yourself than that). And remember--it doesn't last forever :)

Claudissima said...

Wow wonderful...love the words you used to express yourself.! Darling baby! Beautiful name!

rebecca said...

The feeling of no longer waiting ... so odd, true. A little unsettling in those early days, but smart to count your blessings. I remember chanting them (blessings) some days - "these are the reasons why everything is good right now...." You are probably not the one who is planning the next move...
You sound great, Hazel is such a doll, and I am so glad to hear that Craig has been around a lot. I stalk your site for updates, and am pleasantly surprised that you had a minute to jot some very coherant and insightful thoughts down - what fun for your Hazel to read someday.
"...all my kids have worn it" indeed! What a fam!

Elizabeth said...

What a great writer you are. Your little sweetie just keeps getting cuter, waht a little doll!

Jill said...

This post was so beautifully written, it was a treat to read. Hazel is a beauty as well, and that onesie is painfully cute.

If I lived closer I'd definitely come over and clean for you!

Jenny said...

Well said. You do have a way with words Jordan. Isn't it crazy how one minute we are anticipating and the next our lives are upside down so to speak. I have definitely felt like that especially after Luke and Weston. What I wouldn't do to turn back the clock sometimes...new borns are so sweet and demanding all at once.

Such a darling photo. Hey and if you have a chance email me (texbonedoc@yahoo.com) so I can get your info...care if I stop by next week?

TX Girl said...

I love the t-shirt. Very you.