Thursday, July 27, 2006

A Blogging Bog, or Difficult Demands

This photo of Lucy (our resident couch potato--not really, though I sometimes wish the energy level would come down a notch) depicts well my blogging situation of late: B-O-R-I-N-G. I have felt that I have nothing interesting about which to say or post. Right now, I am experiencing what I like to call a "golden moment" where my kids are both sleeping in the middle of the day. Lately I've been having the 3-year-old blues combined with the short-fuse-pregnancy-syndrome--believe me it is not a pretty combination. We are getting through though and Seth did verify last night, as Craig was whisking him off to bed, that he loves his mommy. I believed him, but find myself demanding proof during the day. A demanding mother...hmmm, perhaps that is what I've become. I guess it is a matter of perspective: just like my son will not always tote his bowel movements around with him in a diaper, he will also get past the defiance we call tantrum. When all is said and done, I can usually convince myself that I AM a good mother and always convince myself that I have dynamite children. Maybe it is necessary to keep on demanding from our children the qualities we know they need to survive well in the adult world, even when it seems our demands are rarely met.

11 comments:

Shawna B. said...

Miss Jordan, B-O-R-I-N-G you are not! I enjoy your posts so much - they are always highy entertaining, even if you don't think so.

I sometimes wonder if I am too demanding of my boys, too. I just want so much for them to be kind and good and generous and compassionate and loyal and ... yeah, poor guys, I probably am a bit demanding! But, then again, isn't that part of our job? I'm not saying we have to be drill seargents, but If we don't expect certain things from our children, then who will? I guess maybe I expect a lot because I think my boys are capable of a lot. Because what kind of job I am doing with my kids matters so much to me, I find myself thinking about it constantly, analyzing how I am doing, and always coming up with ways I could improve! I know I am rambling and probably not making a bit of sense, but I guess for me - demanding as I may be - if I can honestly say that if my boys feel loved and KNOW without a doubt that they are extraordinary in their parents' eyes, then I am at least doing something right.

Today one of my friends here said, "We're just girls trying to be moms!" Sometimes I still feel 16! No wonder I need help! I often wonder how my boys will look back on their childhood - what things they will remember - oh, I hope when it's all said and done they will think their childhood was happy. I hope they will always know their mom adores them.

Shawna B. said...

Oh, look at the length of that comment! Why can't I be more succinct?!

Jordan said...

shawna, I love that: we are just girls trying to be moms, more often than not I feel just that. I think that is an excellent thing to keep in mind, too: like you said, if your children feel loved and know they are extraordinary in your eyes...that's all that really matters right? I love your long comment, I could read Shawna all day...

Sara said...

I am a girl who at times still cannnot believe I am a mom. All I know Jordan is that you should be a writer. You have such a great way with words that even a blog about how boring you think you are lately, is so fun to read. I agree with Shawna in that if we are not demanding who will be? I think of you often and wonder what you would do in certain situations I find myself in with Mya Lillie. When I am about to blow, I think to myself, "what would my calm and always composed friend Jordan do in this situation?" Seriously, just know that when you are feeling too demanding or too this or that or the other, there is someone admiring you and your mothering skills.
LOVE & MISS you tons!
Sara
ps Shawna...never be succinct, succinct is boring!

Jordan said...

Sara! I love you! I'm so glad in your eyes I am calm and composed...I'm even more glad that you don't see me when I'm agitated and angry. It is just nice to know sometimes that you're not alone in feeling girlish when life is calling for a mature mother.

amy w. said...

Jordan, you are anything but boring. I remember one of the first times I met you was at the sushi party you were hosting. You have a flare for creativity and a little glamour. We all have your fears, we all have funks, we all are just doing the best we can. And give yourself some slack--you are PREGNANT my dear. Our emotions and impressions feel even deeper. Our body and minds are not our own. Hang in there!

TX Girl said...

I love all the comments- so I'll just say ditto. I too feel totally overwhelmed and confused on how this whole parenting thing happened. I can barely manage myself, but now I have this little girl that looks to me for guidance and all I can do is drink another diet coke (which she now asks me if I need a diet coke) and pray I haven't completely screwed her up.

I agree that you are the furthest person from BORING. I remember the fabulous sushi party too and was amazed at how completely put together you were/are. I love your blogs. Every day I start my usual blog reading and think "I wonder what Jordan will have to say today."

Jordan said...

My sweet sweet friends, what would I do without ya'll? I didn't mean to throw a pity party, but thank you for the encouragement, it sinks in and is most helpful coming from women I respect so much AND that are in a similar stage of life.

Jenny said...

I think we all go through that Jordan! You are not boring. I too think I have nothing to post, but I use it as my journal and boring posts seem to be the most amusing.

I love your posts, boring or not to you! When & doubt soak up the sun in your pool. (thats what I would do)I am sure that heat sometimes can be over bearing hang in there!!

Tasha said...

Sweet Jordan,
The other day I was really feeling like I may not be sane and a friend of mine paraphrased from the movie "Proof" that if I am sane enough to ask myself if I am crazy- I am not crazy. Using that logic, if we are good enough mothers to question our tactics, examine ourselves, find the good in our kids and our selves, then we can't be bad moms. Bad moms don't realize when they are being sub-par.

You, my friend, are GREAT!
I was going to mail you a fanulous Hershey Gold Bar, available only at Chocolate World, but I am afraid it will melt in transit to AZ...Chocolate always works, right?

Jordan said...

Chocolate, especially when pregnant, always works! Dang this darn heat!!